Surviving My Past Because of My Future

“This is impossible!”  I have heard this more than once in  the 27 years of my teaching career.  Not always in these exact words.  But in a student’s body language, facial expression, or lack of effort because something just felt too overwhelming to learn.   My heart shouted this sentiment shortly after May 14, 2020, when Dalton ran ahead of me to Heaven.  God, this is impossible!  You can’t expect me to do this! It’s agonizing to relive the events of the worst day of my life.  Once you see or experience something, you can’t unsee it.  It is impossible to completely erase the details of my story from my mind.  I was the only one at home with Dalton the moment he ended his life.  I had to investigate the frightening commotion I had heard.  I had to search several places in a panic because Dalton wasn’t responding to my pleas, “Where are you?”  I was the one whose brain had to “try” to make sense of why he was lying on ...

  Americans are not afraid to celebrate.  Ranging from Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day to the 4th of July or Christmas and Easter, Americans eagerly welcome good food, time with family and friends, and often a much needed break from work.  While all of these holidays are significant in different ways for their own reasons, I personally could live without almost every single one.        Notice I said almost. I absolutely can’t live without Christmas or Easter. We don’t have to look far to find evidence of devastating, tragic suffering around us.   Maybe you don’t have a child living in Heaven like me, but you may be experiencing a hard road in life that feels impossible.  Financial disaster that feels never-ending.  A broken relationship that you see no way out of.  Chronic pain or a health condition that will remain with you until you leave this Earth.  A difficult child that poses challenges you have no control ove...