Surviving My Past Because of My Future

  Occasionally after contacting a customer service representative, I have the option to take a satisfaction survey. Recently, I read through the questions of such a survey in wonderment.  How would I respond if God handed me a similar questionnaire about my life when I arrive in Heaven?  Were you satisfied with the life you had on Earth?        Yes        No What kind of question is that? Look at what I’ve gone through!  Visual impairment from the age of eight that required dependence on others with countless tasks.  Never getting to experience independence of going where I wanted to go or when I wanted to go without having to pre-plan every detail of the outing.  And to add insult to injury….losing my son to suicide while I was at home. Having to be the one to find him.  Missing out on memory after memory that I had planned to make with Dalton in our close, fun-loving family of four now reduced to three. ...

  Opposites attract.  Or so the saying goes. In marriage, this usually translates into: Opposites are a necessity because they balance each other out.    Joy and pain can feel like opposites to a grieving heart. Opposites that I am finding have a very unique relationship though.  In fact, it's almost as if I can’t have one without the other. My separation from Dalton fills my world with anguish.  His  absence is written across every piece of me.  Being without his physical presence in daily life produces an emptiness inside me that grows deeper by the day.  The aching for his infectious smile, deep voice, warm hug, boisterous laughter, and brilliant blue eyes clenches my heart.  But thankfully, God knows the human soul isn’t capable of carrying such devastation without an opposing emotion that strives to produce more of an equilibrium. I am discovering that joy is God’s medication for my hurting heart . God prescribes what I need before ...

I have lived with a visual impairment for forty-one years now.  Not a minute goes by that I forget it is a shadow that never leaves my side.  But because my visual limitations are often invisible to those around me, it is not uncommon for people I meet to have no idea-unless I tell them.  And explaining the disease takes time, so avoiding a detailed explanation is typically most comfortable and convenient. The past three years have taught me about more than just grief.   My willingness to go to  great lengths to appear competent and to look “like everyone else” dominated me.  I never wanted to be weak or dependent on others.  But when my life instantaneously spun out of control after Dalton went to Heaven, all the work I had achieved over the years unraveled in the blink of an eye.  Suddenly, I didn’t have it all together.  In fact, I was coming apart at the seams.  Child loss made me profoundly different  from others because I on...

  As parents, we tell our kids no or not right now a lot. Can we go to the movies tonight? Can I buy this toy? Can my friend spend the night? Can we get another dog?  There are endless reasons why parents have to say no.  In some cases, the parent is able to give a specific, logical reason.  In other cases, the reason is left unexplained, leaving the child irritated or even angry. Consider a newly licensed teenager who wants to take a long road trip with several friends in the car.  Fear wells up in the parents causing them to refute the child’s plan.  The parents know this is not a responsible option as it presents loads of liability on their adolescent who just gained newfound independence with a vehicle.  However, the 16-year-old views the situation from the perspective that he is legally able to travel wherever he desires.  The law says he is competent and the denied request is unfair.  How could you tell me no?  This makes no sens...