Surviving My Past Because of My Future

  Opposites attract.  Or so the saying goes. In marriage, this usually translates into: Opposites are a necessity because they balance each other out.    Joy and pain can feel like opposites to a grieving heart. Opposites that I am finding have a very unique relationship though.  In fact, it's almost as if I can’t have one without the other. My separation from Dalton fills my world with anguish.  His  absence is written across every piece of me.  Being without his physical presence in daily life produces an emptiness inside me that grows deeper by the day.  The aching for his infectious smile, deep voice, warm hug, boisterous laughter, and brilliant blue eyes clenches my heart.  But thankfully, God knows the human soul isn’t capable of carrying such devastation without an opposing emotion that strives to produce more of an equilibrium. I am discovering that joy is God’s medication for my hurting heart . God prescribes what I need before ...

I have lived with a visual impairment for forty-one years now.  Not a minute goes by that I forget it is a shadow that never leaves my side.  But because my visual limitations are often invisible to those around me, it is not uncommon for people I meet to have no idea-unless I tell them.  And explaining the disease takes time, so avoiding a detailed explanation is typically most comfortable and convenient. The past three years have taught me about more than just grief.   My willingness to go to  great lengths to appear competent and to look “like everyone else” dominated me.  I never wanted to be weak or dependent on others.  But when my life instantaneously spun out of control after Dalton went to Heaven, all the work I had achieved over the years unraveled in the blink of an eye.  Suddenly, I didn’t have it all together.  In fact, I was coming apart at the seams.  Child loss made me profoundly different  from others because I on...

  As parents, we tell our kids no or not right now a lot. Can we go to the movies tonight? Can I buy this toy? Can my friend spend the night? Can we get another dog?  There are endless reasons why parents have to say no.  In some cases, the parent is able to give a specific, logical reason.  In other cases, the reason is left unexplained, leaving the child irritated or even angry. Consider a newly licensed teenager who wants to take a long road trip with several friends in the car.  Fear wells up in the parents causing them to refute the child’s plan.  The parents know this is not a responsible option as it presents loads of liability on their adolescent who just gained newfound independence with a vehicle.  However, the 16-year-old views the situation from the perspective that he is legally able to travel wherever he desires.  The law says he is competent and the denied request is unfair.  How could you tell me no?  This makes no sens...

Romans 8:28 is a tough verse to digest as a grieving mom. I’ve met others who feel the same. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God, and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT) Lately, this verse has cropped up in books and conversations on numerous occasions. Its relentless nagging prompted me to dig deeper into what this verse means for my grieving heart. Rather than disregard it because there was no way it could be true in the midst of my storm, I decided to study it and reflect on how God wants me to apply it in my life, a practice I have found extremely valuable in my sorrow.  Authors have written entire books focused solely on these twenty-seven words. I would never argue that the verse is undeserving of such significant study. People everywhere facing disappointments and challenges commonly find these words encouraging and uplifting.  Yet, these very same words can conversely tear at our heart...